![]() "a fish, a barrel, and a smoking gun" |
Sex and the Single URL Ok, so you've exchanged smoky glances at a CFP bar BOF. Mutual friends forwarded an absolutely adorable post he made to one of the cypherpunk lists. And he sent you a deliciously inviting postcard from his favorite impoverished Caribbean island, where he hopes to set up an anonymous-remailer offshore banking paradise! So what do you do to tease, please, and capture the heart of your technolibertarian? Use these easy-to-follow hints and you, too, may find yourself one Sunday afternoon cuddling by a roaring fire in a Pescadero cabin, talking about digital cash! After all, there's nothing wrong with a modern girl exchanging PGP keys on a first date with the Fashion tips: DO wear your "This Shirt is a Munition" RSA t-shirt. DON'T wear your "Solidarity Forever UPIU/AIW Local 837 Lock-Out" t-shirt. Accessories/props: DO have on your coffee table the original, green-cover edition of Bionomics; hardcover edition of Out of Control; Crossing the Chasm; photocopy of True Names; an original French-language issue of Barbarella; the Re/Search Modern Primitives issue; the Economist with your subscriber label discreetly visible; a 1985 issue of Reason (to show you are an early adopter); fundraising appeal from The Progress and Freedom Foundation. DON'T have on your coffee table Savage Inequalities; Which Side Are You On; Resisting the Virtual Life; Why Things Fight Back; The New York Review of Books; Sierra; Z; Paris Review; any novel that's not science fiction or a technothriller; fundraising appeal from the Silicon Valley Toxics Coalition. Conversation: DO mention how your life was changed forever when you first read Ayn Rand in 11th grade. DO say that you think all relationships are contractual, even romantic ones. DO say that you find him so sexy that you can imagine that all the netchicks on alt.polyamory would want him. DO mention your fling with the astrophysics professor. DO say that FDR was the worst president this country ever had. DO drop these names: Friedrich Hayek; Robert Heinlein; George Gilder; David Chaum; Terence Mckenna; Tom Ray; Hans Moravec; George Mason University. DO use these conversation starters: intelligent agents; sovereignty of cyberspace self-organization. DON'T mention your fling with the liberal FCC commissioner. DON'T talk about your internship with CALPIRG. DON'T tell him that at one point you were considering a career as an art therapist. DON'T tell him about your best friend, the urban planner, who uses HUD money to develop low-income housing. DON'T mention Lyndon LaRouche. DON'T drop these names: Ben Bagdikian, Upton Sinclair, Berthold Brecht, Barbara Ehrenreich, Carol Gilligan, Rachel Carson, Noam Chomsky, the EPA. DON'T use these conversation killers: the 40-year decline in corporate taxation; stockholder lawsuits; CEO compensation packages; maquilladoras; vulnerability. And if you really don't want to spend next Saturday night alone with your cat Patches, absolutely DON'T mention OSHA. And don't EVER catch yourself using the phrase "I can just tell, and no, I can't explain how I know it." At any dinner party you organize for the two of you: DO make sure there is at least one person present who a) has actually been inside the NSA; or b) owns founder's stock in a company that has held its value for more than a year after it went public; or c) has close ties with a venture capitalist. DON'T invite anyone who a) has worked in any Democratic Party political campaign; or b) would ever use the words "multicultural" or "diversity" in a sentence, without irony; or c) does volunteer work, especially for the homeless. Where to go and what to do: DO plan a a dream date which might include any two of the following: United Taxpayers Association luau; Digital Liberty potluck; Software Forum ice cream social; Freedom Forum's rave; dinner at the Lion and Compass Lecture at the Churchill Club; browsing in the nanotechnology section at Kepler's. DO act enthusiastic when he wants to take you to a kicky Extropian party in the Santa Cruz mountains, even if you feel like you will scream if you hear the phrases "command and control" and "cryptographic algorithm" one more time. After all, what makes him such a dear are his kooky economic models and his insane paranoia about the government - any government. And DON'T pout if he starts talking about black helicopters. Again. DON'T sulk if he wants to make that romantic vacation you were planning as a sojourn at HOHOCON or DEFCON; DO think of it as a chance for your man to show you off to the miminum of 12 guys per square foot that will surround your every move. Let him be proud of you. Girl, this is your chance to strut your stuff with that cute leather outfit you ordered from Stormy Leather to wear just for him. DON'T suggest attending a Sunday morning service at Glide Memorial Church. DON'T take him to the Berkeley Rose Garden, which was built by the WPA. DON'T take him to a production of Ibsen's An Enemy of the Follow these tips and see if your man doesn't let you choose what to do for your next date if you oh-so-casually let it slip that it's that divine Philip K. Dick you wish you could have met when he was still alive, instead of talking about your regret about not going up to Doris Lessing when you heard her speak at the Edinburgh Fringe. How to tell when he is getting serious: HE shares his best tax-evasion schemes with you. After all, what better way to start the nest egg for both of your futures than with money snatched from the tyranny and enslavement of Washington! HE says that you're the kind of girl that he would consider, if he were into contract cohabitation. courtesy of Justine
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